In Constant Denial of Taking Medications? ( Short read )

Too Many Prescription Pills

I’ve been fighting with myself for the past couple of months over my use of prescription medications. I’m in constant denial of the fact that they help me. One day they could quite possibly kill me from one of the many side effects.

Being a veteran from the Iraq war, I struggle every single night from nightmares and cold-sweats.

I’ve taken at least 13-18 different medications the past twelve years for sleep, PTSD, anxiety and depression. The other dozens I’ve been on are to treat anxiety and depression. In total I take 5 pills a night and 2 during the day. I’ve been doing this for twelve years with little help.

Suicide was always in the back my mind. I was downing medications and still having problems with my mood and sleep. There were days that I thought I had died in Iraq. My mind was so messed up I believed I was in purgatory.


After accepting the fact that I needed help from medications, I’ve been able to focus and accept the fact that I’ll always be hunted by my past, but I don’t have to let it get in the way of my goals and values.

The only way I’m able to enjoy going to live sports like the Twins and the Timberwolves is if I take Clonazapam. I wouldn’t be able to sleep without medication either. Trust me, I’ve tried everything from herbs to diets and nothing else works.

In constant denial of taking medications
At the game yesterday! Twins vs. Royals

So if I will have to take medications my whole life, should I expect to die from some sort of side effect?

I believe God will take me when it’s my time, but I also know that he respects our choices so I don’t want to shorten my life on my own accord.

I know I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. Since I started opening up with my doctors, they were able to get me on the right meds to keep me stable, but I still have my days. I know that everyone who has to be on medications the rest of their lives  feel the same way as I do.

So I wonder, is there going to be a point that I won’t need medications?

I have to remember to ask my doctors. I think this is a valid question for everyone. The pharmaceutical companies creates thousands of drugs to make us feel as though we need to be dependent on them so they can milk money out of  insurers and our pockets.

We should make it a priority to see how these drugs affect our bodies before taking them without question.

Click Here to buy a copy of Combat Medic on Amazon

Combat Medic
A soldier’s story of the Iraq war and PTSD

13 thoughts on “In Constant Denial of Taking Medications? ( Short read )

  1. This is a great short read brother. Thank you for sharing and keep on keeping on. I pray that you find peace and keep it.


  2. WOW! I have chills and tears! You my friend are an amazing example of fortitude! Thank you for your service and you honesty! My little brother is headed to BUD/S to become a Navy Seal, We pray for our soldiers everyday, the ones who have served and the ones currently serving! Keep Sharing and Keep moving forward! God bless you! We Would love for you to share your story on our blog if you are interested?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I love this post 🙂 I understand your situation, for me it was with anti-depressants and the fact that I had to keep changing the medication because the side effects would constantly hit me. Until one day I came off of the different assortment of anti-depressants by taking my life into my hands and making sure that I placed myself in more positive and happy environments.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you for sharing your experience with PTSD. As a Marine brat (my dad served for 23 years), I know more about the military than most but I definitely have no idea what those who serve actually go through. Thank you for raising awareness and for having such a positive perspective on life!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I fought taking meds for years as well. I thought it verified something was “wrong” with me and I hated the label. At some point I accepted it, realizing it’s not ME that’s messed up but my body and the chemicals in my brain. God heals in many ways. Rock on!


Tell me how you feel

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s